Second attempt

I have a blog. I had forgotten I had a blog. And now, after much fussing around trying to figure out what my username for the blog was I am here. I've failed so far in a couple of my New Year's resolutions (see previous post of nine and half months ago) but the year is not over yet; it's not too late. I will now attempt once again, to keep a blog.

The following is an email that I wrote but did not send on Saturday the 18th of August this year. Names have been changed.



No wonder Natasha went so insane after you guys broke up. If you were half as closed-up, heartless and disrespectful to her as you are being to me then that would be more than enough to push a woman in love over the edge. Using your son as bait to get what you want though isn't just insane, it's inhumane.
Anyway, since apparently you already know everything Natasha, I'm sure neither of you will object to giving me a little space to reflect on the events of the past month or so, just for closure.
Let's see, how did this all happen?

The first time I met Alex was at the gym. He came in off the street and charmed me instantly. He was smiling and friendly and good-looking. He was kind and helpful and respectful. We chatted; he showed an interest in me without being sleazy or coming on to me at all. Then he called you, Natasha, and even though you said you didn't want him to, he advised me to tell people in the media that I'd worked with you when I was looking for jobs. He gave me a lot of referrals to help my business, even though he told me later that when he'd first walked into the gym he was absolutely determined not to put anyone's name down. What changed his mind? When he first saw me he thought "this girl is gooorgeous!", and then I smiled at him. He says he would have done anything I asked him to that day. Before he left Alex gave me his card and suggested I come down to the range for a free golf lesson. I was hesitant; I couldn't decide whether he was now coming onto me or just wanted to persuade me to regularly pay him for golf tuition. As I walked away he checked out my arse and loved what he saw.

Over the next few weeks Alex came to the gym and I called his friends to see if they'd go for gym memberships. There were a few classic characters in the bunch and they'd tell Alex I had called, or Alex would come in and ask how I was going with them. Rob chatted for ages and one of the things he told me was that Alex had said I would be intimidated by him. I was so offended that he went on to explain that Alex thought I was stunning and that he, Rob, was intimidated by attractive women. Greg warned me more than once that Alex was a sex maniac. Alex hoped he'd see me every time he came in. He asked about his friends, urged me again to say that I had worked with Natasha, reminded me that I was supposed to come down for a free golf lesson, and suggested that we train together in the gym sometime. I started to get a crush on him and I checked up in the computer system to see how old he was. I was so disappointed to find that he was 28, but still asked various people over the course of a few weeks, "how old is the oldest you'd date? How old do you think is too old for me?"

I finished working at the gym and went on holidays to Queensland but every few days I would think, "I should go in for that golf lesson." I was so nervous but managed to convince myself, "If you want something badly and try to get it then you might fail, but if you don't try to get it then you've failed already." I wanted something. A few days after returning from holidays I decided I would definitely call him. A few days after that I had finally gotten up the guts to do so.
I was terrified he wouldn't remember me. I was so nervous I even rehearsed what I was going to say out loud. When I called he knew who it was straight away, and even kept me on the phone for 10 minutes. We made a booking for the following day; a Thursday. During the phone call though he said something that led me to believe he had a girlfriend. My heart sank and my stomach twisted. Over the next 24 hours I was torn between, "just go and get it over and done with then forget about him", and "stay away. Think of a reason to cancel. He has a girlfriend and he's too old for you". (I'm 19 by the way Natasha; in case you're struggling with the math, that's literally half your age. Don't you think that's hilarious?) I eventually decided that I would go, have my one free golf lesson and enjoy being in the company of someone so good-looking, interesting, funny and kind, and then definitely refuse to have any more golf lessons.

I walked down to the driving range after a long chat with Andrew at the gym. On my way there Alex called to apologise as he was running a few minutes late and ask that I wait for him in the car park instead of going up to the clubhouse. Immediately I doubted my decision again and considered leaving. When he arrived though he was perfectly unsuspicious and explained that he hadn’t wanted me to go up and ask for him as a man he didn’t get along with, Trevor, was working and would probably try to charge me for the lesson and get him into trouble for giving me a freebie. During the lesson Alex was everything I had expected him to be and more. He was an excellent, patient coach without being too serious. We spent most of the time chatting and only a little while hitting golf balls. He told me that his relationship with Natasha was essentially over and that he was looking for a place to move out to. My heart skipped a beat and I became nervous and slightly hopeful again. He told me he had a two year old son, and went on about how “hot” Ben is. He was complimentary of everything about me, complimenting my golf swing, my clothes, my maturity and my attitude. I could barely handle so many compliments! I told him about Rob telling me that Alex had said I was intimidating. Alex’s answer began with, “How should I say this? You’re a very very attractive young woman”. When I said that the last time I’d swung a golf club was in year 10, Alex asked how old I was now. Initially he didn’t believe me when I told him I was 19; he had been so convinced I was 26 and must have a degree that he even suggested that I must have lied about my age when we first met. I pretended to be surprised that he was 28.
At the end of the lesson, which had lasted an hour and a half even though I had only booked him for half an hour, Alex asked me what was next in my golf career. I had been so determined not to agree to another lesson, but I’d also enjoyed it so much that I at least agreed to think about it. He was being so friendly after all, and the offer to continue to coach me for free was so generous that I couldn’t say no!

That weekend, you, Alex and Natasha, had sex and used the withdrawal method. I wonder who Alex was really thinking about while he was inside you.

On Monday I text messaged Alex and agreed to another lesson, and on Wednesday afternoon I arrived at the range. The first thing Alex did was to show me some houses on the internet that he was considering moving into, and ask my opinion. Then he showed me an adorable video of Ben at the range, hitting a golf ball with a club and looking more like a hockey player than golfer. The pride on Alex’s face and in his voice whenever he talked about Ben absolutely blew me away. He let me hit some golf balls and then asked if I would come with him to Cheltenham to pick up some golf clubs for a client. I reluctantly agreed, wondering what was going on. He offered to let me drive his BMW; I declined, but probably should have accepted because on the way, as we were turning out of the Cheltenham station car park into Charman Rd, we very nearly had a serious accident. A train was coming and the boom gates were coming down. Not realizing their position, Alex turned the car out into the road and positioned it directly under the heavy boom gate. In surprise I yelled, “what are you doing?!” and Alex moved the car forward just enough and just in time for the boom gate to come down and bounce on the back window of the car instead of caving in the roof. Fortunately the train was on the opposite track; if it had been on the track closest to us it would have taken out the front of the care and sent us spinning.
When we got to the golf shop the owner was just about to pop out so we waited for his return in a café down the street called Café Dell Amore. Sensing that I was still a little shaken from the car ride, Alex took advantage of the situation and hugged me for the first time. When for some reason I mentioned that I’d had Chinese food for lunch that day Alex said, “So when all this stuff with Natasha blows over, if I were take you out for Chinese food would you like that?” I said, “How about you wait until things do blow over with Natasha before asking questions like that”. The woman in the café thought we were together and asked Alex where he’d found this beautiful girl as we were leaving.
Golf clubs picked up, I drove us back to the range where we hit some balls. Alex showed me a photo of Ben from his wallet. At some point during the afternoon I felt bad for shutting him down and confessed that when things blew over with Natasha I would like to go out for Chinese food very much. When finally I insisted that it was time for me to go home we shook hands and I started to move away. It was the wrong way to finish the afternoon and we both knew it. Alex asked if I’d like another hug and with only a little hesitation I said yes, expecting him to hug me right there and then. Instead he led me into the teaching shed. I put my bag on the floor, we looked at each other for a brief second then very very slowly put our arms around one another. As we embraced, I felt a very soft kiss on my neck. With breathing shallow and tense we turned our faces to one another and kissed passionately.
Our bodies melted together smoothly and perfectly and the kisses started slow and deep and built until they were feverish before returning to tender exploration of each other. My arms were snaked around his neck, his wrapped around my back pulling me close. Best of all though was the way he’d stop sometimes; the first time to say “you do know I’m 28 and have a two year old son don’t you?” and every other time just to look at me and smile like an excited little boy, to squeeze me with joy and then kiss me again.

To be continued.