Morning

Saturday morning began far earlier than I had expected. I opened my swollen eyelids to see who was texting me at 7:02am on a Saturday and why.

“I. .-love her” said the message. It was from Alex.

“Fuck him”, I thought, and closed my dry red eyes to try to get more sleep. It was easy to think these things at 7:02am on a Saturday morning when you feel as though you’re knocking on death’s door. My heart was racing though. Within minutes I reached again for my phone.
The call rang until it reached voicemail.

I spoke for at least three minutes. I was calm. Grief and anger were dulled and confusion was taking it’s turn in the spotlight. I asked questions. I put forward my opinion.

“What’s going on Alex? I can’t believe how much and how quickly things have changed. I can understand why you’d go back to her ‘cause I know you can’t survive without Ben. But I can’t understand why you won’t talk to me about it and now why you’re saying you love her when you told me you haven’t loved her in three years. Please just explain Alex.”

I couldn’t even be bothered being angry over the message, which was really an unprovoked kick while I was down.

Again, he texted me.

“Look please don’t call or text. I do love my girlfriend and want to stay with her. Sorry.”

As sleep faded, the edge of my anger and disgust returned. A text again? Weak as piss. The man was weak as piss. He texts me at 7am and then asks me not to call or text?! He can’t even answer his phone after all that has happened? After I stayed with him when the waters threatened to rise and swallow him? Weak and stupid. Stupid not to treat better the woman who could break him.

I called again. I was genuinely willing to be calm if he answered the phone; I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.

The call went to voicemail.

“Hi Alex, I would have thought that you’d at least want to talk to me to make sure I kept my mouth shut.”

Soon I received a text.

“Like I said last night it is over. Natasha knows everything and is taking me back. I am in love with her. Sorry.”

How dare he lie to me! Natasha knows everything, does she? There is NO WAY Natasha would take you back if she knew everything. Natasha thinks we only had sex once. It’s time to enlighten her.

This time I did not bother to call.

“u hav half an hour 2 make peace with me”, said the text message I sent to Alex at 8:04am.